Characters: Eros/Cupid; Pluto/Hades
Authors: Co-written by Dizzy Cricket and Chris DangerfieldCupid stretched out in his reclining chair in the library of their new home. He opened his laptop, prepared to do a little paperwork while relaxing back the television on for background noise.
Working on the reports that had piled up during their move, Cupid snuggled his pert little butt even deeper into the cushion.
OK, the move was right, he thought to himself. He'd been melting down at regular intervals, unsure of the move. His fellow brats had taken to leaving cheese and crackers out at the brat cave to go with his whine. But now that there was a place for everything, and everything in its place, Cupid started to believe that the move wasn't going to be so bad.
Reaching over for his glass of ambrosia (what did you think they drank on Mt. Olympus!), his computer made a strange beep and the screen went blue. Frantically Cupid started pushing buttons - F12, alt F4, esc, any and all combinations. Letting out a dignified but disparaging "AAAWWWWWW", had Cupid's top rushing over to him.
"What? What's wrong? Are you hurt?" Eros had completely forgotten the lessons he'd learned in How to Question Your Brat Effectively class at Top School.
"My laptop died!" Cupid said. Suddenly, he found himself gently but firmly pulled up from his chair. "OW!" he cried out when Eros's hand landed swiftly and way too hard really on Cupids sweet, little tush.
"Don't you yell out like that!" Eros chided. "I thought you were hurt."
"My laptop died, what do you expect me to do?"
Ever the top, even though he did forget that lesson in Top School, Eros replied, "Tell me in a reasonable way."
Cupid shrugged having never thought of that.
"Now, let me work on your laptop while you finish the reports on your desktop in your office," Eros said.
Cupid wandered down their hall a little but not overly disappointed that he couldn't sit in the recliner to do the mounds of paperwork. Walking into the office he'd just finished decorating the weekend before, his spirits lifted a little.
Settling down at his desk and snuggling his tight little behind in his office chair, Cupid opened up a radio station in the browser before bringing up the reports. Cupid concentrated a little harder sitting at his desk, trying to remember what he'd written before his laptop died.
The sounds of music drifted from the computer speakers as Cupid's fingers flew over the keyboard. Cupid slowed down a little as his fingers seemed to go faster than the cursor on the screen. Slower and slower he typed until suddenly he was looking at another blue screen.
"WHAT? NO WAY!" Cupid shouted at the computer (of course we all know that computers can hear us, that's why we yell at them.)
Cupid heard the sound of his top running down the hall.
"What? What's wrong now?" Eros panted out.
"My desk top just died!" Cupid wailed. And then he wailed a little louder as Eros once again gently, yet firmly, pulled him up and swatted him.
"Eros," Cupid whined and rubbed his delicate derriere. "You need a refresher course on Swatting! They aren't supposed to be that hard!"
"Yes, they are, when your brat keeps scaring his top," Eros stated firmly. "Now scoot aside and let me look at this; your laptop is toast. We'll need to get you another one."
Cupid bounced nervously on the balls of his feet hoping that Eros would soon get his computer fixed.
"Sorry, love," Eros said softly. "Your Gaiaboard gave out. With the move we'll need to wait a week or so until we can afford a new one."
Knowing his top would help him Cupid turned his big sad eyes to Eros and said, "What do I do now? I have to get those reports done."
Eros kissed him softly on the lips and said, "You'll have to go to your work office, love."
Cupid swallowed back his tears not wanting to be the stereo-typical brat and cry. He gathered up his files and wondered out to his old, beat up chariot that he'd had since his college days. Getting in and starting it up, he murmured, "You might be old but they knew how to make things to last back then."
Pulling up to the deserted office, Cupid collected the files, tumbled out of the chariot, and walked up to his office. He turned on the overhead lights, pushed the button on his office computer, and while he waited for it to boot up, he walked into the employee's lounge to make a pot of coffee (it's better than ambrosia).
As soon as he had a full cup he meandered back to his computer. When he saw the blue screen with the message stating: "Error detected which prevented start up. Please contact your technology representative and report this error immediately" Cupid shouted out one word (now that's not a word we can say here, not unless we want to have soap for dinner).
Deciding he must be cursed, and that the reports would not be finished tonight, Cupid left his files on his desk, locked up the office, and drove his chariot home. He knew Eros would be there to cuddle him and help make it all better. That's what Tops do best.
Far below Mt. Olympus in a place called The Underworld, Hades giggled and snorted. Three! I got three in one day! He thought to himself. His giggling got a little louder until it turned into all out laughing.
Hades stopped abruptly as his Top came up behind him, placing his hands on Hades's shoulders.
"And just want devilry have you been up to my boy?"
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Hades gulped. He knew his ass would be on fire before the night was through... what he didn't expect was what followed his Top through the door.
Box after cardboard box came trundling in on their own power. Each rocking back and forth and seeming to strut, if boxes *can* strut, into the room. Hades looked at his Top's face and from the shocked look, a look he couldn't actually remember ever seeing on his Top's all-wise face before, he realized that this probably wasn't his Top's doing either. More and more boxes piled in. They kept marching in and neatly stacking themselves floor to ceiling along the walls. It was quickly becoming crowed and not a little claustrophobic.
Looking rather horribly shocked Hades' Top, Pluto, glared down at him, "I don't know what you're up to you little Brat, but make this stop or I swear you won't sit for a month!"
"I'm not doing this," Hades wailed. "I thought you were." Hades ran around him and tried to block the doorway, but the boxes were unstoppable and just nudged him gently out of the way and continued tromping into the room. In a real panic, Hades screamed at all the marching cardboard.
"You, YOU NASTY BOXES STOP! JUST STOP!" And just like that, they did. Hades and Pluto gaped at each other silently in a bit of shock and slowly approached the nearest box as if it was an unexploded bomb. Hades nudged his Top.
"You open it..." Pluto gave him a rather dry look but, like any good Top, inserted himself between his Brat and the deceptively innocent looking box. He slowly reached for the lid. Hades nervously glanced around the room at the hundreds of boxes stacked all about and the line of boxes still running out the door which had all temporarily paused. Taking a deep breath, his Top opened the box. Hades gasped. Inside it was filled with paddles. Paddles of every shape and size. Some made of beautiful woods. Some luxurious leather. Round paddles. Oblong ones. Some even made of clear Lexan. Some so big they made Hades heart beat faster in panic. He looked up at his Top in a rare state of speechlessness and then turning, they both suddenly saw her and gasped. Calmly standing next to the open box, as if she had been there the whole time.
There was another moment of complete silence. Suddenly, to Hades shock, he saw his Top bow... real low. Pluto BOWED to her and, after he received a very sharp and rather painful swat to the back of his leg, Hades bowed too. She wasn't a terribly large lady, Hades thought, and she was very pretty, wearing a very sharp pencil skirt, heels and a silk blouse all rounded off with pearls and a matching pair of earrings. All in all she looked *nice*. Well, in a slightly stern way. Slightly mystified, Hades looked up at his Top for a clue. Pluto straightened up from his low bow and addressed the dapper little lady very respectfully.
"To what do I owe the great honor of your presence in the Underworld, Lady Gaia?"
Hades goggled at them both. LADY GAIA! *THE* MOTHER? WTF?
She glanced at him sternly. "Don't swear Hades, not even in your head. It's not polite." Hades jaw snapped closed in horror. She could read his mind and the look his Top was giving him did not promise anything good. Turning back to Pluto, she continued, "Oh I'm just here to have a little chat with Hades. It seems that Cupid is having real trouble with his technology and therefore none of my children are falling in love... ANY...WHERE. Needless to say, that's Not Good and I was CURIOUS."
A pin dropped. It could be heard throughout the Underworld.
Still, she continued, "So I thought I'd check and it seems my boy here, Hades that is, has been up to some deviltry. Of course that's not completely unexpected given his nature, but I really can't have a complete stop to "LOVE." One of her manicured nails tapped a tastefully glossed lip in seeming concern. Pluto, with a voice like granite, stepped in.
"Ma'am, perhaps Hades and I can help put things right for Cupid, since I suspect WE may have un-wit-ing-ly been the cause of your concerns." Hades realized he had been inching ever-further behind his Top as she spoke. He nodded eagerly in what he hoped was a very cooperative manner. She nodded.
"Exactly my idea too. How very thoughtful. That is why you are such an excellent Top and RESPONSIBLE for this rather difficult Brat." Whoooweee, well that message was clearly given and Hades watched Pluto swallow nervously before replying.
"Yes Ma'am. Thank you ma'am."
She smiled. Crocodiles smile too.
"So if you and Hades would be so kind as to thoroughly test this box of paddles tonight." She waved a manicured hand about the room filled with boxes all filled with paddles. "I'm sure you can find at least *one* paddle that helps my boy, Hades, to understand that *LOVE* probably shouldn't be so excessively obstructed." To Hades horror, Pluto was nodding in agreement as she continued. "Then perhaps, tomorrow, you could both stop by and help Cupid and Eros fix their technology... hmmm?" It really wasn't a question and she finished this gentle speech with another smile.
Alligator this time.
Hades stomach dropped another few stories lower, which was saying a lot considering they resided in the lower depths of the underworld to begin with and it was hard to get lower... but perhaps higher and lower were not issues for Lady G. Hades slipped his nervous hand into Pluto's bigger one and, even though his Top's face was serious, he felt him squeeze his hand in comfort before Pluto spoke to her again.
"Ma'am it would be my complete pleasure to test your paddles most thoroughly and, rest assured, we will both stop by and make sure Cupid and Eros' are back on-line promptly tomorrow and, as much as LOVE is not our specialty... we'll make sure they get things set to rights." Hades just looked at the hundreds of large boxes apparently filled with all sorts of paddles and then at his Top and then at Lady Gaia in shock. She had been talking to his Top directly, but suddenly to his horror her kind eyes shifted over to him like search lights, pinning him and making it hard to breathe.
"Hades dear, I suggest you cooperate most thoroughly with your ironically most "LOVING" Top or perhaps I'll find myself concerned that Pluto can't take care of you as needed... hmmmm? Unfortunately, then I'd have to invite you to stay with me for a while and that... well... that would be most corrective."
Hades was pretty much frozen breathless at this point. He looked at Pluto, in horror, only to find that his Top was pretty much frozen too. Sooooo not good.
Suddenly Mrs. G. took a breath and the tension evaporated. She smiled — a less toothy smile — and turned back to Pluto... and Hades could finally exhale. "You're both dears and I have no doubt, Pluto, that if you test these paddles very thoroughly this evening, you'll find a paddle that will do the job for Hades. You boys be good and don't make me come back. Thanks loves."
And in between one blink and the next she was gone.
"To what do I owe the great honor of your presence in the Underworld, Lady Gaia?"
Hades goggled at them both. LADY GAIA! *THE* MOTHER? WTF?
She glanced at him sternly. "Don't swear Hades, not even in your head. It's not polite." Hades jaw snapped closed in horror. She could read his mind and the look his Top was giving him did not promise anything good. Turning back to Pluto, she continued, "Oh I'm just here to have a little chat with Hades. It seems that Cupid is having real trouble with his technology and therefore none of my children are falling in love... ANY...WHERE. Needless to say, that's Not Good and I was CURIOUS."
A pin dropped. It could be heard throughout the Underworld.
Still, she continued, "So I thought I'd check and it seems my boy here, Hades that is, has been up to some deviltry. Of course that's not completely unexpected given his nature, but I really can't have a complete stop to "LOVE." One of her manicured nails tapped a tastefully glossed lip in seeming concern. Pluto, with a voice like granite, stepped in.
"Ma'am, perhaps Hades and I can help put things right for Cupid, since I suspect WE may have un-wit-ing-ly been the cause of your concerns." Hades realized he had been inching ever-further behind his Top as she spoke. He nodded eagerly in what he hoped was a very cooperative manner. She nodded.
"Exactly my idea too. How very thoughtful. That is why you are such an excellent Top and RESPONSIBLE for this rather difficult Brat." Whoooweee, well that message was clearly given and Hades watched Pluto swallow nervously before replying.
"Yes Ma'am. Thank you ma'am."
She smiled. Crocodiles smile too.
"So if you and Hades would be so kind as to thoroughly test this box of paddles tonight." She waved a manicured hand about the room filled with boxes all filled with paddles. "I'm sure you can find at least *one* paddle that helps my boy, Hades, to understand that *LOVE* probably shouldn't be so excessively obstructed." To Hades horror, Pluto was nodding in agreement as she continued. "Then perhaps, tomorrow, you could both stop by and help Cupid and Eros fix their technology... hmmm?" It really wasn't a question and she finished this gentle speech with another smile.
Alligator this time.
Hades stomach dropped another few stories lower, which was saying a lot considering they resided in the lower depths of the underworld to begin with and it was hard to get lower... but perhaps higher and lower were not issues for Lady G. Hades slipped his nervous hand into Pluto's bigger one and, even though his Top's face was serious, he felt him squeeze his hand in comfort before Pluto spoke to her again.
"Ma'am it would be my complete pleasure to test your paddles most thoroughly and, rest assured, we will both stop by and make sure Cupid and Eros' are back on-line promptly tomorrow and, as much as LOVE is not our specialty... we'll make sure they get things set to rights." Hades just looked at the hundreds of large boxes apparently filled with all sorts of paddles and then at his Top and then at Lady Gaia in shock. She had been talking to his Top directly, but suddenly to his horror her kind eyes shifted over to him like search lights, pinning him and making it hard to breathe.
"Hades dear, I suggest you cooperate most thoroughly with your ironically most "LOVING" Top or perhaps I'll find myself concerned that Pluto can't take care of you as needed... hmmmm? Unfortunately, then I'd have to invite you to stay with me for a while and that... well... that would be most corrective."
Hades was pretty much frozen breathless at this point. He looked at Pluto, in horror, only to find that his Top was pretty much frozen too. Sooooo not good.
Suddenly Mrs. G. took a breath and the tension evaporated. She smiled — a less toothy smile — and turned back to Pluto... and Hades could finally exhale. "You're both dears and I have no doubt, Pluto, that if you test these paddles very thoroughly this evening, you'll find a paddle that will do the job for Hades. You boys be good and don't make me come back. Thanks loves."
And in between one blink and the next she was gone.
They both tried breathing again... for a few minutes. It seemed good. Pluto gave Hades an enveloping hug.
Suddenly a nice sturdy chair slid up behind Pluto... and he sat. Then the first paddle in the box flew into his hand. He turned to his Brat and Hades thought his Top looked as serious as he could remember seeing him in a very long time.
"Hades let me just say one thing. You are a little menace and I love you more than anything, but trust me about this, you never EVER want to be invited to Mrs. G's private residence. I was "invited" once, several millennia ago, when I was a much younger and more foolish god. Let me just say she has hair brushes, canes, straps and things I don't think there are even names for, all designed to correct young foolish gods who forget their place and mess about too much with the running of her universe. I am certainly never giving her reason to ask *me* to visit her again and *you*, my young love, are luckiest brat of a god in the Underworld. So, your Top who loves you very much, gets to help you see the error of your ways. Now pants down and bottom up." Pluto just smiled and patted his knee. Hades just continued to gape at him in horror.
So, there was indeed a long and protracted period of wailing that night in the Underworld. Now, I know that doesn't sound unusual for the Underworld where wailing is a given, but trust me, it was louder and longer than usual even for that place. And, yes, that night many many tears flowed before bedtime. Needless to say, important and divine lessons were indeed learned and, just for the record, it is true... you mess with LOVE at your peril.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The next morning when the portico bell rang, Cupid ran to answer it and was delighted to see his friend Hades and his Top standing outside the door. Cupid clapped his hands beaming at them.
"Oh my gods! I was just wishing Hades could come over! All my computers are messed up and he's the best. You guys are the most awesome gods EVER. How did you know I needed you?"
Pluto smiled, "Oh someone just reminded us that one can never have enough tech help." The young Love-Brat bounced up and down in pleasure at seeing friends come to his rescue. Cupid looked back over his shoulder into their marble abode.
"Errrrrrrrooooos! Look who's here." Cupid turned back to pull them inside, bouncing happily. "And they're gonna help fix my computers, it's so cool! So I'll be back on-line soon, with your help, and I can get my Love-work done. It's going to be the best day ever. AWESOME!"
They all headed inside and, well, if Cupid noticed his friend, Hades' eyes were more than a little red and puffy and that Hades was moving a little stiffly while he helped get the computers restarted, well he didn't say anything because he was Cupid and, after all, he did LOVE his friend a lot. And because Brats have to stick together and, well, because friends who help you get on-line... are the best kind of friends indeed.
THE END
Suddenly a nice sturdy chair slid up behind Pluto... and he sat. Then the first paddle in the box flew into his hand. He turned to his Brat and Hades thought his Top looked as serious as he could remember seeing him in a very long time.
"Hades let me just say one thing. You are a little menace and I love you more than anything, but trust me about this, you never EVER want to be invited to Mrs. G's private residence. I was "invited" once, several millennia ago, when I was a much younger and more foolish god. Let me just say she has hair brushes, canes, straps and things I don't think there are even names for, all designed to correct young foolish gods who forget their place and mess about too much with the running of her universe. I am certainly never giving her reason to ask *me* to visit her again and *you*, my young love, are luckiest brat of a god in the Underworld. So, your Top who loves you very much, gets to help you see the error of your ways. Now pants down and bottom up." Pluto just smiled and patted his knee. Hades just continued to gape at him in horror.
So, there was indeed a long and protracted period of wailing that night in the Underworld. Now, I know that doesn't sound unusual for the Underworld where wailing is a given, but trust me, it was louder and longer than usual even for that place. And, yes, that night many many tears flowed before bedtime. Needless to say, important and divine lessons were indeed learned and, just for the record, it is true... you mess with LOVE at your peril.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The next morning when the portico bell rang, Cupid ran to answer it and was delighted to see his friend Hades and his Top standing outside the door. Cupid clapped his hands beaming at them.
"Oh my gods! I was just wishing Hades could come over! All my computers are messed up and he's the best. You guys are the most awesome gods EVER. How did you know I needed you?"
Pluto smiled, "Oh someone just reminded us that one can never have enough tech help." The young Love-Brat bounced up and down in pleasure at seeing friends come to his rescue. Cupid looked back over his shoulder into their marble abode.
"Errrrrrrrooooos! Look who's here." Cupid turned back to pull them inside, bouncing happily. "And they're gonna help fix my computers, it's so cool! So I'll be back on-line soon, with your help, and I can get my Love-work done. It's going to be the best day ever. AWESOME!"
They all headed inside and, well, if Cupid noticed his friend, Hades' eyes were more than a little red and puffy and that Hades was moving a little stiffly while he helped get the computers restarted, well he didn't say anything because he was Cupid and, after all, he did LOVE his friend a lot. And because Brats have to stick together and, well, because friends who help you get on-line... are the best kind of friends indeed.
THE END
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